New Atmosphere

In love with my new room

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Wichita, KS

“I hear you breathing, like breathing in the new atmosphere.”- NZCA Lines

This week has felt very long and lonely. It feels like I’ve been here for weeks, but it has barely been one week today. Even so, a lot has happened and I am stuck between feeling incredibly blessed, or wondering how the heck I ended up in a place that can be beautiful, but also very dangerous. I guess the easiest way for me to organize my thoughts about all of the things that happened this week is to just tell it by the day.

Monday: I needed to go to the financial aid office and the HR office at the WSU campus to get some paperwork done. So I treated myself to some McDonald’s breakfast. I shed a few tears of joy as I walked by the campus and reminded myself of how hard I worked to get here, since  it’s an easy thing to forget. But heck, I wouldn’t be getting paid to get my master’s if I didn’t work my ass off, right?

Tuesday: I went grocery shopping by foot, because I don’t have a car. It was nice because the store is only 20 minutes away. However, I ended up buying more groceries than I thought and so instead of requesting a Lyft like a normal person, I decided to also walk back home. It was early in the morning so it wasn’t too hot and it felt like a good workout. The idea of investing in a car started creeping into my mind. I also found out that someone stole the vacuum I ordered from Ebay and that it will take a few weeks to get resolved, unfortunately.

Wednesday: I decided to venture out into the city and get my daily workout, so I ended up walking seven miles that day. I had gone to Kohl’s to buy some new shoes. The day was beautiful because it was cloudy for most of the morning and got hot until I got close to home so that was nice.I started looking at quotes for car leases and have decided that it is definitely something I need.

Thursday: I skipped my appointment at the car dealership because something is wrong with my credit score and it dropped like 50 points. I didn’t want to go in and get a super expensive quote because of it; but that made me feel a little down. On the bright side, I managed to finish unpacking everything that day!

Friday: I finally met some of the faculty, saw the art spaces on campus, and signed up for classes. I felt so lucky and blessed to be here and just fell in love with everything about the campus. I will be assisting in the Intro to Photo and Analog photo classes and I’m super excited to finally learn how to work with film! Oh, and the faculty is amazing and really funny. I look forward to working with them.

Saturday: I wanted to treat myself, so I went to an Indian restaurant. Before leaving to go eat, I saw that someone threw out a vacuum and so I thought I would try it out, and now I understand why they got rid of it lol. Come to think of it, they were probably the same people who stole my vacuum! No wonder they did though… oh well. Anyway, I got a weird look from the waiter when I told him I needed a table for one lol. I felt like Ted from How I Met Your Mother, when the hotel guy feels bad for him for being single. It was funny, but I got to try a wide variety of foods. Plus, there were two other men who were also eating alone, and a couple who had just met-- I’m assuming it was a blind date. Then I got to shop for some Indian groceries, and stopped by two garage sales on the way home. I got a set of new drinking glasses for only $2! Everything was fine, until the evening. I went in search for the laundry room in the apartment complex and couldn’t find it. Then I went to a nearby laundromat to check their hours, and on the way two cars beeped at me, but I ignored them. On my way back home, some guy was hanging his head out of the window and yelled something at me, but  I didn’t hear what he said. He kept looking at me even as they were driving away. I no longer felt safe in my little bubble of hope. I need to get a car, and make sure I keep Susy safe when she comes to live with me.

Sunday: Today, I no longer walked to my destination, not like I could anyway; and I wore pants for the first time in a long time-- because it’s summer and it’s hot as heck. But apparently if I wear shorts and crop top it gives men the right to harass me on the street. Anyway, I had a very nice time meeting my new clients and their children. I look forward to their wedding in September of next year. I also had a nice conversation with my Lyft driver, and he ended up giving me his number in case I ever wanted to hang out as friends, since he clearly stated he wasn’t looking for anything romantic. He was like in his 30s-40s, why the hell would he assume I was flirting? Or maybe he wasn’t, I think we were both just being friendly. I think my paranoia is on high right now due to what has happened in the last few weeks.

I wish I didn’t have to live my life in fear, be able to wear what I want, and go wherever I want without being bothered. So wish me luck on my new venture to find a car.